Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
