I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
