get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
