giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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