That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
