Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive.
So much puke
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize