fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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