Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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