can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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