Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
