I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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