We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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