i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I party with great urgency now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
