I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
