life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
