i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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