Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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