p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
