Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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