im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
