At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
