Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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