yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
