i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
