if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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