hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize