is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
