Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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