Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
