my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
