I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
