Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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