At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
