i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
