we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
