It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
