I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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