i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
