All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
