I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
