she looked like the before picture.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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