Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
