just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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