his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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