He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
