This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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