I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
