well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
