The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
