he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
