dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize