she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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