I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
