There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
