just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
