he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
