I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
