how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
