My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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