Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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