How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize